Oyster Boy Review 11  
  April 1999
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Twenty-Four Top Places to Fuck, By Dr. Seuss

E. Barnsley Brown

Smoothing down the ironing board
Spray some starch, unpack your sword

In the leather swivel chair
Do it with a twirling flair

Would you like it in a truck?
Grab the wheel, start to suck

Or how about a minivan
If alone, just use one hand

Would you like it in a pool?
Six feet deep, that's the rule

Or how about a frozen lake
Cut a  hole, use a stake

How about a lion's den
Daniel's got it up again

Or in the Valley of the Kings
Look at those Egyptian things!

Some like it in a closet bare
Angora sweater or pubic hair?

A gritty sandbox is always fine
To give yourself a darn good time

Or try a casket, there's a place
But wipe the ashes off your face

Even bridges have their charm
Though passing cars may cause alarm

In the field, on the green
You can be a sex machine

Or in a seashell by the shore
Go and go till you're feeling sore

Some want it on a silver platter
Spread those tits with pancake batter

Or in a well, that's a joy
Fill the bucket with your toy

I like it in a shopping cart
Secure the seat before you start

Or stretched across the railroad track
Hump her good and don't look back

How about a tortoise shell
Show your head, ring her bell

Or on a bed of coals galore
That will never be a bore

I think it's best to quit the bed
To go outside, try the shed

Or gambol to the piggy sty
And find yourself a place to lie

A place to fuck, someday there'll be
And we will do it happily

We'll do it on an island nice
That will add a little spice

Or in a rowboat by the pier
Let it rip, don't try to steer

The thing I think is best of all
May be the thing you most appall

But try it all, be omnivore
Today pristine, tomorrow whore!